Been a while since I've written anything on here. And it's not an alien this time! But it is an elephant, because I just can't resist the trunks, you know? Lots of very messy build-up, watch out.
The metal ring clamped firmly around the base of Jan's trunk, holding his lips closed and leaving his nose as his only airway. He breathed deeply - his sinuses were very clear and comfortable, though that was likely about to change soon.
Though very eager to turn the device on, Jan stopped himself. He searched back through the small box his delivery had arrived in and found the instruction pamphlet. Right between the Korean and Spanish translations, he saw the directions in English.
"Omniplay's Trunk Teaser™ is intended for use in species with trunks or other long probosces such elephants, anteaters, or aardvarks. See insert for extended list and check Omniplay's website at omniplaytoys.org for compatible non-Terran species.
Adjust the ring diameter until the device is just fit around trunk. Place near tip to induce quick, sharp irritation. Place near base to cause slow, warm irritation. If desired, set timer to subdue and delay sneeze reflex."
Jan had heard the device was initially created with elephants in mind, and the perfect fit of it seemed to support that claim. It did not restrict his breathing in the slightest, yet when he tested its stability with a few shakes, it didn't slip an inch. He ran the back of his hand down the length of his trunk, his whole body trembling and giddied at the prospect of the sensation.
Setting the box aside, Jan leaned back in his chair and pressed the button on the left side of the machine to turn it on. It gave off a dim green glow and began producing a low hum. Now that it had actually started, Jan relaxed a little bit, though his heart kept pounding along. All he had to do now was wait for the itchy assault.
A hot stinging began to develop deep within Jan's nostrils. He drew in a few quick sniffles, completely involuntarily, and he couldn't help but tense up again. He loved the feeling of losing conscious control, letting his body completely take the reins. Things that brought his body such discomfort and annoyance that it just HAD to find relief, whatever that entailed. And in this case, it entailed sneezing. Speaking of which...
"Hmmff, heffmph..." Jan hitched through his nose. His mouth was struggling to open against the binding to no avail. Jan supposed he could remove the device to free it up, but he was far too excited at this point to want to stop. "Uhn, hff, nngh...!" Jan's trunk lurched back, ready to sneeze, but just as the urge reached its peak, it subsided.
"Uhngh, ehh???" Jan grumbled. His nose was as irritated as it should be, but there was no expulsion to be found. Jan blew gently in a poor mimic of a sneeze which did nothing to stop the tickly feeling.
Jan waited until he felt another sneeze coming on. This time he made an effort, to think only of the sneeze. The wives tale that thinking of something other than the sneeze could stop it, that had to work in reverse too, right? "Hnff, hiff!" Jan breathed again. It felt even closer this time, but still - nothing. No relief.
Jan wiped the end of his trunk with his hand. "Snff-f-f-f..." he snorted. His eyes were starting to tear up and his breathing was becoming wetter. His trunk was fully itchy the whole way through, so why wasn't he sneezing?
His hand touched the metal, and a chill ran up his spine. He dashed to the bathroom to confirm his fears, holding his poor proboscis in his arms. Sure enough, there in the mirror, on the LED at the top of the Teaser, was a countdown clock currently hovering around the 28-minute mark. The timer had been set! To a half-hour! He instinctively yanked on it, trying to remove it, but it was just barely too tight to tamper with safely.
Oh, how to turn it off? Jan wondered. The obvious answer was pressing the 'power' button a second time, but of course it was never that simple with these obscure toys. He searched by touch for any other buttons, but when he found some he was too reluctant to press them, worried he would make it worse.
There must be something on the directions, he figured. Stumbling back to his chair, he kneeled down on the floor and began digging through the box. With great relief, he found the instructions, and turned them over to check the back. There were definitely words there in the same multitude of languages as the obverse - but Jan couldn't make them out. His eyes had overflown with tears, blurring his vision. No problem, of course, he could just rub them dry. But alas, his tear ducts refused, immediately replacing the liquid. So itchy! Try as he might, Jan just couldn't read anything at all. Oh, why did the print have to be so small?
As Jan's eyes got wetter, so too did his nose. "Sn-n-oo-oo-oofff-ff-f." Mucus was dribbling out now, tickling the tip of his nostrils. Tissue, tissue! He needed a tissue! So ingrained that thought was, from many runny noses across many cold winter afternoons. When you feel that tickle, you NEED a tissue. So Jan grabbed one, and started wiping. But within milliseconds, it began falling apart, unable to hold its form under the weight of the mucus. Jan tried a few more tissues, but it was no good, they all turned wet and useless.
With little other choice, Jan started rubbing with his hands. When the skin became wet, he moved up his arms. When his arms got too wet, he switched to his feet and legs. Eventually, all of the skin his trunk could reach became covered in a thin, waxy sheen; there was nowhere left to wipe, it was all so wet! And Jan was not about to ruin his furniture, no matter how desperate he was.
He lugged his slippery body back to the bathroom mirror to check the timer once more. It seemed he'd spent so much time trying to fix things that the counter was down to about 4 minutes. His breath had been hitching with no conclusion at least twice per minute... With each agonizing second, his desire to simply sneeze the tickle out of his snuffling mess of a trunk grew and grew.
He sat down in the bathtub, letting his trunk flop dejectedly down, no longer resisting the dripping of mucus from his nose, tears from his eyes, and, as it had just begun developing, saliva from the corners of his mouth. "Sn-n-u-u-ff, hoo-o-o-oof, snii-i-i-fff-ff..." he breathed through the ludicrous volumes of thin liquid.
Just as he reached his most dismal, the device beeped. "Time," it announced in a bitcrushed voice.
The urge to sneeze crept up Jan's trunk yet again, but this time it felt much, much deeper. Like it had been felt through a thick cloth before, and now the cloth had been removed. His trunk wriggled and curled so violently it was as if it had been eletrically shocked, driving Jan's back to the wall. It felt like the itching had progressed far beyond what it should normally progress to before a sneeze, the warm tingling so strong it rippled through all of Jan's nerves.
"Hmmgh, hmm-BAH!" Jan gasped. His mouth had tried so hard to pull itself open that his lip came loose, finally allowing him to breathe orally again. Good thing, too, as he was drawing in a LOT of air power for this sneeze.
"Hahh! Ha-buh, hah, haaah! Eeehhh! Hih-Hih-HIIHHHH!"
He paused, his trunk high in the air, nostrils flared, keeling over from the permeating, ceaseless itch.
Was that it?
"Hah-CHOOOOOOOOO!! *sniff!* Hih-CHNNNNNNFFFFFF!! *snort* Eeh-PFOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Jan had never sneezed this hard, this much. The sneezing fit lasted a good minute or two, the urge barely letting up throughout it. When it finally did start to wind down, Jan found himself feeling exceptionally content. He concluded that each time the machine had denied him a sneeze, the satisfaction it would have brought was instead added to that of the final release.
The Teaser had deactivated itself and loosened automatically, allowing Jan to pull it off effortlessly. At. Last. He set it on the floor outside of the tub and inspected his surroundings. He'd really made a mess, hadn't he? If nothing else, at least it was in the shower. And conveniently enough, a shower was exactly what he needed right now.